Of all the quirky things, I've been reading Cesar Millan's books. The Dog Whisperer has a lot to say about both canines and humans. My fascination is with the two-legged variety.
Cesar teaches emphatically that the order of emphasis in a dog's life must be: 1) exercise, 2) discipline, 3) affection. Millan seeks to establish balance in dogs across America believing that the American pet of the dog persuasion is a psychological mess because affection has been prioritized. That places the master under the sway of the pet. The question burning in every canine's bosom is "Who's in charge here?" It is looking for the pack leader and if there is a vacuum in that role, guess who steps up to fill it? The dat-gum dog. That makes for a messy topsy-turvy home front, according to Cesar.
Just this week I went to the special education assistant administrator's office to drop off some testing documents. The receptionist said that "Linda" was in her office, the one with the dogs. "Scuse me?" I thought. Sure enough when I knocked, two ruffians barked like they'd just heard the FedEx guy pull-up. I backed away and when Linda opened the door and invited me in, I declined. I do not do the dogs. They scare me.
The situation seemed out of balance to me. Intimidating dogs on human turf.
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Amy Chua with her musically talented daughters,
Sophia and Louisa |
This weekend I finished another fascinating book: "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." The author, Amy Chua, makes a transparent case for child rearing the Chinese way. True to her indomitable overbearing personality, Amy pulls no punches relating the knock down drag out skirmishes that ensued between she and her daughters. Most of the tactics used on the children made my hair curl. However, the Chinese philosophy of parenting is worth setting in contrast to the western notion of affection first.
Remember, the Dog Whisperer places exercise and discipline above affection. Amy offered affectionate praise as a reward for countless hours of in-the-trenches labor. Her oldest, Sophia, played piano at Carnegie. Sophia's glorious performance was a direct result of the laser-focus of her mother upon discipline rather than empty affection. Praise and affection were given after a job well done. Fascinating
Amy's goal of raising accomplished children seems to dovetail with Cesar's dog-rearing philosophy. Amy wrote, "America seems to convey something to kids that Chinese culture doesn't. In Chinese culture, it just wouldn't occur to children to question, disobey or talk back to their parents. In American culture, kids in books, TV shows and movies constantly score points with their snappy backtalk and independent streaks. Typically, it's the parents who need to be taught a life lesson - by their children."
Who are the pack leaders in most American homes? Amy Chua would argue that it is the spoiled kids. (The disparate results between western and Asian children speak for themselves statistically. Sighting just one, at leading music schools - Juilliard, for instance - Asians and Asian Americans constitute 30 to 50 percent of the student population.) Cesar's life mission is to repair the damage done to families who have abdicated their pack leader status to their pets. Should loving parents and pet owners crawl back in the saddle, reins in tow?
If human potential is quantifiable, I wonder how much more productivity and accomplished skill could have been squeezed from my own children if the Chinese philosophy had been practiced during their formative years? Heck, my own laissez faire approach to life might have seen much more fruit harvested if more was required during my growing-up years. Perhaps I'd have a much fatter resume.
All children have innate talents. Asian parents are better at harvesting those talents so that they grow up to be something. Amy Chua was not remotely concerned with her children's happiness. In contrast, "I just want my children to be happy!" is the heartbeat of most western parents, myself included.
The balance lies somewhere in the middle, I'm guessing. Accomplishment tempered by affection. In a Newsweek article, even contemporary Chinese Moms seem to agree with the east meets west balanced approach: "...the key to success is seen as a hybrid of East and West—at least when viewed from the lair of the Tiger Moms."
